I have used the analogy of being caught in a rolling snowball to explain what depression is like. But I have found myself caught in one for a while now. I started to feel bad about myself which then caused me to be less productive. I get overwhelmed when I see how much needs to be done, but because I’m feeling bad about myself I don’t get those things done. I start feeling worse because there is so much to do that I am not getting done, but then I put myself down because I am not getting them done. And the cycle continues.
It’s hard to explain this to someone who does not suffer from depression, but for those who do I’m sure you know this all too well. I feel like I’m trying to keep my head above quicksand but I don’t have anything to grab a hold of.
When you suffer from depression you don’t have good days and bad days. Instead, you have bad days, not so bad days, and okay days. And it doesn’t take much for an okay day to turn into a bad day. On the other hand, it is almost impossible to turn a bad day into an okay day.
So if you know someone who suffers from depression and you ask them what’s wrong, don’t expect an answer that makes sense, if you get an answer at all. Today, for me, was an okay day that turned into a not very good day. There was nothing that happened to trigger it, but at this point I won’t go back. My wife asked me what was wrong, but I couldn’t answer her because there was no real answer. That happens pretty frequently, and my wife has a hard time understanding that it doesn’t have any reflection on her. That’s just how it is.
If you suffer from depression yourself, show this to someone you love. Maybe this will help to explain a little about why you get this way sometimes. And maybe they will understand that you are not alone, and that you can’t just “get over it.”